Toilet Troubles
by Kiwi05
Summary: PG13 to be safe...co-authored by Kiwi05 and Pineapple Princess. Eowyn, subject to Galadriel's wrath is turned into a toilet. Will she be able to cope with the trauma?
1. Eowyn's Problem

Toilet Troubles By Kiwi05 and Pineapple Princess Please read our other fanfics.and ones under the name CherryKiwi.because Kiwi said so.  
  
Chapter 1: please, review constructively.we don't care if you don't like it. We don't want flames. It just shows how stupid and childish people can be that they can't state what's wrong simply. Any flames will be used as toilet seat warmers.  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own lord of the rings or anything associated with it. We own a toilet.and we own ourselves.we think.  
  
One day Eowyn was walking along in Lothlorien and happened upon Galadriel's magic mirror.  
"Mirror, mirror, on the.rock thingy? Um, Who is the fairest of them all?" The mirror did nothing.  
"Stupid mirror!!" At this outrage, Eowyn, consumed in anger, punched the mirror. She got very annoyed, noticing how she splashed herself with the water.  
"Hey that's my mirror!" Galadriel screamed as she ran over to Eowyn. "What do you think you're doing?!"  
"I was asking it something."  
"You stupid girl. Everyone knows not to touch my mirror! For doing this, you will suffer much! You will live on forever as a.TOILET! Muaahahahahahahahaa!"  
  
Suddenly, in a swirl of lights, wind and computer graphics, Eowyn transformed into a toilet. Oddly, the flusher was gold. This was its distinguishing mark, seeing as how all other toilets have silver flushers. The only way this could be explained would be that, perhaps, her golden locks had created this strange occurrence. Eowyn was horrified! How could she live? This was horrible. Galadriel suddenly thought of a problem. Everyone would wonder why the heck she had a toilet by her mirror. *snickers heard in the background and a reference made to Galadriel's royal throne.* To solve the problem, Galadriel attempted to pick up the toilet and drag it to the public bathroom. *thud*  
"Gosh you are so heavy Eowyn. Have you ever thought about going on a diet?"  
"Flushhhhhhhhhh." Eowyn attempted to respond but all she could do was flush.  
"I thought so." Galadriel, wondering what to do with the toilet now since she could not lift it, thought of a plan. She decided upon just leaving the toilet by her mirror. After all, it would be a convenient spot for it. She then made a leafy screen to put around it. If no one was using it, the screen would remain open. If in use, the screen would be closed. Of course, Galadriel momentarily forgot that, yes indeed, the toilet was Eowyn. *sigh, blondes.* (note: Kiwi is a blonde.so no offense to any other blondes.blonde and proud of it!)  
With the toilet left behind with the leafy curtain left open, Galadriel walked away. Soon, as chance would have it, Elrond walked towards the mirror hoping to find Galadriel. Coming to his surprise, he saw the toilet with the leafy curtain, left open. "Oh my! There's a toilet in here! I was hoping to find Galadriel, but I suppose this is the next best thing. That was a long travel and I do need a bathroom break!" Said Elrond, proceeded into the leafy curtained area. He made sure he had the leafy curtain closed and locked, using the little hook Galadriel had added for safety. "OH MY GOSH NO!" gasped, or rather flushed, Eowyn the toilet. Elrond looked taken aback for a second at the display of a toilet flushing on its own but he decided that it really didn't matter much anyway and that it was probably just one of Galadriel's added features and he proceeded to use Eowyn. Elrond sat down on the toilet and tried to look for a magazine or something to read.  
"WHY ME?! WHY ME?!" Eowyn thought. "This is horrible torture!!!" Poor Eowyn. She was horrified. There was nothing she could do. After about 15 minutes that we will not describe because we don't want to, and because it is a family friendly fic, Elrond got off the toilet and placed his magazine back in a little basket, where he had found it. "Thank goodness that's over!" Eowyn flushed. Elrond proceeded to exit the area and left the curtain opened. Eowyn was trying to figure out what to do since she was so bored. "Being a toilet is not fun at all." She thought. But, suddenly, her mind changed. Just a bit. She noticed Aragorn walking into the area and towards her. "Oh my gosh! Do I look OK?" she asked herself before she realized she was still a toilet and that he would never recognize her. "Would you look at that!" Aragorn exclaimed! "It's a toilet! Wow! And it has a golden handle too!" Aragorn stood in the doorway of the leafy toilet chamber. *Bad Eowyn, very bad Eowyn!!* Eowyn began feeling excited! She was going to feel Aragorn's manly buns of steel against her fair, soft...um...porcelain. Aragorn walked to the mirror and began to wash his hands. "Galadriel will kill him if she finds out!" Eowyn flushed. Aragorn walked back to the toilet again. *Bad bad Eowyn!!!!* 


	2. prince charming and the hedgehog

Toilet Troubles chapter 2  
  
A/N: flames will be used as toilet seat warmers  
  
Disclaimer: We still don't own lord of the rings *sigh* or anything associated with it. "Wait! Wait!" Kiwi yells as she runs in screaming. "I own a Legolas poster!!" Pineapple Princess runs in, "Me too! And a Legolas action figure!" Yes, good for them now lets proceed to the story!  
  
A/N again: I (Kiwi) have noticed that I put several . sequences in the story and it shows up as a . and that's just messed up so when you see a random . then ignore it and imagine an . sequence. Don't tell me we have to use hypnotism to get you to believe that. We can and we will. It's there, OK? *all look around, even more confused than they were before* Ok then, onward!  
  
Last chapter *dreamy distortion of the screen* we saw that Eowyn had witnessed Aragorn's misuse of the mirror and he walked back to the toilet chamber that Eowyn now lived in. Hey, at least she had some privacy from everyone else. So Aragorn walked back and we weren't sure if he was gonna use the toilet or just stand there. *dreamy distortion back to the present*  
  
Eowyn thought of a brilliant idea! She heard of various fairy tales about how some lovely, innocent, blond, beautiful (not that she was vain, but he, you have to state the facts) girls are under an evil spell (which she was) By evil, scary, obviously jealous. "EOWYN!!!" Galadriel screamed, making everyone in the woods duck in terror under any chair in close proximity. That lady always creeped Eowyn out, reading her mind and all. Well, anyway, to break the spell they were kissed by a handsome prince (which is Aragorn in her POV.and he's not exactly a prince.but close enough!) and they were back to normal and they got married! Yes, a brilliant idea Eowyn! Eowyn decided to put her plan into action!  
  
"Flushhhhhhh!! Flush Flush!" Eowyn flushed. Aragorn looked at the toilet like it was possessed. Which wasn't far from the truth, after all, it was flushing on its own. Aragorn began backing slowly away from the toilet, then with an apprehensive glance each way, took off running out of the clearing like he had all the forces of Mordor following him. Yes, our brave King-to-be ran away from a toilet that was flushing on its own. Sad.  
  
It was hopeless for Eowyn. She had poked the mirror because it didn't answer her question. "YOU PUNCHED IT!!!" Galadriel screamed a second time, causing all the birds to flee from the trees, and the small woodland creatures to scurry back to their holes. So she had punched it. But was that enough to be turned into a toilet for? It was so unfair.  
  
'Ew!' Eowyn thought suddenly, 'Elrond didn't wash his hands after he was done!'  
  
A noise caught Eowyn's attention, distracting her from her deep thoughts. She caught site of Elrond walking towards her general direction.  
  
"Oh no!! Not again!!" Eowyn flushed in horror. Elrond payed no attention to the flushing this time. He walked closer and closer and if Eowyn had a heartbeat, you would hear it go thud-thud thud-thud thud-thud like in scary movies. Elrond stepped within feet of the toilet chamber. He proceeded to walk toward the mirror which was next to the toilet. He was carrying a soft fuzzy bundle in his hand. Something was wiggling in the towel he had. Eowyn watched closely since she wanted to find out what it was. Elrond set the bundle down and unwrapped the towel. A funny looking nose popped out from under the towel and it was followed by a little body. It was a hedgehog!  
  
"Oh how cute!" Eowyn flushed once more. Elrond gave her a dirty look, obviously annoyed at the toilet's random flushing. He poured some water into the mirror and set his little hedgehog into the water. He added some bubblebath soap and stirred it up to make it nice a bubbly for his little friend.  
  
"I can't believe how cute you are!" Elrond said in a squealy-because-this- little-hedgehog-is-so-cute voice. Elrond reached for a scrubby brush that was in his pocket and began to bathe his little hedgehog. The hedgehog wiggled its nose in a pleased manner. Elrond cooed at the animal and continued to scrub it with the scrubby brush. Eowyn was frightened at this behavior of Elrond's despite the fact that the hedgehog was very cute. Elrond seemed to be bathing the hedgehog forever!  
  
Finally Elrond picked up his pet and wrapped it into the towel and began to dry it off. He dumped the soapy water out of the mirror basin and rinsed it out. He picked up the scrub brush and walked away with his hedgehog.  
  
Eowyn heard something coming. She looked out of the curtain and saw Celeborn all tipsy and walking through the area containing the mirror and the toilet. He held a beer can in his hand. He suddenly threw the beer can and *crash* it hit Eowyn!! Celeborn walked towards the toilet.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Eowyn flushed in slow motion.  
  
Please review for us!! Please Please Please Please!!! We love hedgehogs! *Pineapple Princess raises hand* "Personally, I like porcupines better" Ya whatever. Review! 


	3. Rumil saves the day

Chapter 3 of Toilet Troubles  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own lord of the rings or anything associated with it except Legolas posters and an action figure. Once again, Kiwi runs in shouting "I got another Legolas poster at my church festival the other night!! And my mom bought me the LotR books boxed set! And Legolas is on the 2nd one!!!!" Pineapple Princess runs in as well "HEY! I just found a recipe for Lembas! And I made them without burning them! And they even taste good!" Yes, well, anyway, more stuff if coming to our possession in the future. "Come hither, Legolas."  
  
Thanks to Brigette who reviewed for chapter 2 but was unable to cuz the stupid computer!  
  
Note: Last chapter, ff.net was acting weird and screwed everything up and Kiwi tried reposting the chapter. Sorry for the inconvenience of reading and we will try again later.  
  
Back in chapter 2, *Dreamy distortion of the screen* we noticed Lord Celeborn with a beer can in his hand. As we recall, it hit Eowyn. Celeborn approached the toilet. *dreamy distortion to the present*  
  
Celeborn came towards the toilet and crashed into the leafy screen, almost knocking it down. He tripped on Eowyn and his face fell straight into the toilet. He passed out and would have drowned if Eowyn hadn't done what she did next. Eowyn flushed and Celeborn woke up and pulled his head out of the water fast. *BONK* He hit his head on the edge of the toilet. "Ew!" quoth Pineapple Princess. "Especially after what Elrond did in there!"  
  
Lord Celeborn rubbed his head and stumbled over towards the mirror with a glazed look in his eyes. In his drunken stupor, he reached for the pitcher and to Eowyn's horror, used it as a chamber pot! "Oh no! What if Galadriel finds out?! He's doomed!!!" Eowyn thought, and tried to flush a warning to the elf lord, but even in his drunken state Celeborn does not speak toilet. Celeborn passed out and fell over. Since there was nothing Eowyn could do, she hoped for the best. All of the drama of the day had finally caught up with Eowyn and she fell asleep. When she woke up, Celeborn was gone and in walked Elrond with another fluffy bundle. "Not again!" Eowyn groaned, or rather flushed. But Elrond took no notice of the self flushing toilet, he had grown accustomed to the oddity of it.  
  
When Elrond unwrapped the towel this time, there were two hedgehogs! Elrond cooed again and again, once more frightening Eowyn. Elrond picked up the pitcher to pour water into the mirror but was disgusted, and tossed the pitcher away from him, luckily for our protagonist, not in the direction of Eowyn.  
  
For a moment Elrond stood blinking at the hedgehogs in the empty basin, but then decided to try some different tactics, seeing as how the pitcher was now inaccessible. First, he tried to bring water over in his hands by forming a cup but was unsuccessful. Then he tried slurping up the water into his mouth and spitting it out into the mirror, but that proved to tedious, not to mention the possible bacteria that could be passed to his lovely pets. Frustrated with his inability to fill the basin, He just picked the mirror up and filled it to the top from the stream.  
  
To the horror of Eowyn and the poor cute little hedgehogs, Elrond suddenly changed. His eyes turned red and bloodshot and he hissed. "Nooo! They stole it from us! The precious!!!! My porcupine!!" Elrond burst out crying and returned to normal and fled to the nearest corner. "But we likes our hedgehogs!" "No!!! Porcupines are better!" Elrond cried and cried and began scrubbing one of his little hedgehogs. Suddenly he hissed again and he dropped the hedgehog into the water.  
  
The hedgehog, not knowing how to swim, drowned in the mirror. Elrond returned to normal and was horrified! His dear hedgehog, which he had lovingly named Mitzi, was floating belly up in the small pool. He looked at his other hedgehog, Smith, and his eyes began to mist over. He grabbed Smith and ran away in hysterics, realizing he could not take care of any animals in his current state. "I need my medication." Elrond thought out loud, traumatized by the drowned hedgehog episode. He didn't want to be put to blame so he fled the Golden Wood. Outside of Lorien, he dumped the other poor hedgehog in the dumpster.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the mirror, a whistle blew. "Everyone out of the pool!!! Everyone out I said!! Out out out!!" Rumil cried and jumped from the stairs and continued to blow the whistle. "This place gets stranger and stranger the longer I'm here." thought Eowyn. He ran towards the mirror and picked up the little hedgehog and laid it down beside the mirror. He began to try to get the water out of the Mitzi's lungs. "Just breathe, man!" Rumil cried between giving the hedgehog CPR "This is not cool!" Finally, Mitzi began coughing up water and opened her eyes. Rumil took the little hedgehog loving into his arms and began talking to it. "It's ok buddy, you're safe now." much to the delight of Eowyn and fully certified, trained, and always prepared for anything, lifeguard Rumil.  
  
Annoyed by the loud racket of Rumil, Galadriel hurries to the mirror, knowing something must be wrong. When she sees the hedgehog by her mirror, her motherly instincts and natural elfie love for all things that grow, not to mention her foul disposition due to someone dabbling in her mirror, take over. She began harshly grilling Rumil.  
  
"What happened here?!" She demanded, Scaring the begeezus out of Rumil, nearly causing him to drop Mitzi. Rumil explained that he found the hedgehog drowning in her mirror and had seen a suspicious individual fleeing the scene. He didn't pursue the mysterious elf because the poor hedgehog's life was hanging in the balance.  
  
"Are you trying to tell me a hedgehog was swimming in my mirror?!"  
  
"Well, uh."  
  
"Is THAT what you're trying to tell me?"  
  
"Not exact-"  
  
"You are telling me a hedgehog just decided to take a swim in MY MIRROR?!"  
  
"No I was trying to say-"  
  
"Out with it, boy!"  
  
"I was trying to tell you but-"  
  
"No buts about it! Tell me NOW!"  
  
"That weird guy was washing it!!! With BUBBLE BATH!"  
  
"Oh my gosh! My mirror!!" Galadriel's wrath grew and grew. She reached for her pitcher, which was oddly lying on the ground on the other side of the small clearing, so she could rinse the mirror out. But when she saw the contents of the pitcher screamed and threw it back across the clearing. Galadriel's wrath was stirred. Her eyes tinted an odd color of green, and she almost seemed to grow. A great gust of wind swirled through the clearing as Galadriel's fingers laced themselves around Rumil's neck.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
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